Yesterday was day 15 on the new drugs, and whilst I had been warned it would be my worst day, it did in fact turn out to be quite pleasant, albeit my femur had woken me at 6am aching,  a mild headache was not going to budge, and forgetfulness, this being quite apparent as I left Newark Fire Station Thursday afternoon, just as the schools were tipping out, I had put my plastic coffee cup on the roof of the car as I loaded the boot with my bags, drove off and watched it fly off out my wing mirror and hit the lollypop lady on the back of her legs….. oh the shame!!

I spent the morning with two of my work colleagues Tracey and Carley, catching up on admin after an immensely busy work week, involving quarterly reports and stats, by now fatigue is screaming at me, I feel like the lights are on but no one is home, and i’m either going to rant or cry.

But then Carly introduced Tracey and I to SnapChat, I know, I know we’re pretty old and not quite down with the kids ‘lol’ but my face is still aching from laughter, maybe to some it seems pretty childlike to be amused by something so silly, but I had actually forgotten how it felt to be so entertained and to freely laugh until your sides ache.

And that got me thinking, as I sat with Carley and Tracey at lunchtime in a cafe, having coffee and a round of toast (a lunch break and going out of the building, used to be extinct) and I looked at them in that here and now moment, and found I didn’t wish to be anywhere else or with anyone else, I love these two ladies, they allow me to be me, we have laughter, share our highs, lows, fears, problems of the day and so much more, it was like the ready brek glow, and its not just these pair, I am blessed with many people in my life to have moments like these with, but my situation, my cancer journey if you like, has made me really see times like these in a different light, I am really present in the moment, my mind I have noticed almost no longer gets distracted on chores to do later, I listen with both ears when someone speaks and I enjoy the time and feel lucky to be there with whoever wants to spend time with me.

So its the Friday afternoon road trip to Kings Mills Hospital, already becoming quite a regular haunt, so in the theme of learning to make the most out of everything we diverted en route, and picked up cake to go for later on at ‘All Mine Cakes’ Maythorne, they make the best carrot cake ever.

My white and red blood cells were low, to the point they did consider giving me a week long break from my meds before the week’s break, if that makes sense (only 21 days drugs a month followed by a weeks break) but they checked the protocol as its such a new drug, and the head of oncology decided I am to continue.

Next week its bloods and my monthly hormone injection with the huge needle! Cant Wait, but i’m still here being given chances and experiences that I am so grateful for.

Lou…X 

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