So this was my view two weeks ago, Queens Medical Centre on a rainy Thursday, I think i was a little naive in that this Bone Biopsy procedure wasn’t going to be a big deal.

1 hour on a CT scanner machine and 2 surgeons huffing and puffing because it wasn’t going to plan, thankfully one with humour, 1.5cm of some kind of cork screw thing gouging out bone from my sternum, a shout of triumph that it looked a good sample and the Gucci surgical team said good luck and Adios…. like a scene of Greys Anatomy they swept out the room.

4 hours on the day case ward, then home.

5th of October 17:15 and were now at Kings Mill Hospital awaiting the results, News just in, and my cancer is the Diva that she was before, she loves my oestrogen, thrives on my hormones, The Oncologist and Nurse from the breast cancer team advise me, ‘we need to shut your ovaries down’ so lets stick this huge needle in your stomach and place a slow releasing hormone therapy drug under the skin so that over a period of time, with an injection once a month this drug will stop my ovaries from making oestrogen.

Hello menopause…

They also drop into conversation that I am a suitable candidate for a drug trial, this drug that has worked so well for lung cancer patients, and has only just been made available to secondary breast cancer patients like myself, whereby they have hormone receptor-positive metastatic breast carcinoma, to be precise.

Whilst i am waiting for an appointment to see the head oncologist who runs the trial, so many questions are going round in my head…

what will the percentage be of me ending up taking a Placebo? if so will 6 months on weekly sessions with a mild dose of chemotherapy do what going onto drugs now will do? I honestly think I have a form of PTSD where chemo is concerned, the thought of going through that journey again makes me anxious and sick just thinking about it. And I still haven’t got eyebrows grown back yet from the last round.

It feels like on average for the past 3 months I am at hospital 3 times a week, I work full time!!!! I love my job, my colleagues, all that is Notts Fire and Rescue.

Everyone talks about extending my life expectancy, but what about quality of life?

I have committed myself to cycling the coast to coast with colleagues from work next year, the aim to raise a lot of money for cancer research and the fire fighters charity, will I be well enough? I need to do this, for me, I need that focus and goal.

My boss at work Paul, motivates and inspires our team on a daily basis, when I told him about our blog and promoting of the cause to raise money, his advice, was for me to be honest, reveal the worts and all side of living with Cancer, the journey, the down days, the good days, and how the people I am surrounded by impact on my mental well being and get me through a day.

My reply, ‘who is going to be interested in my life? I mean, I’m a tad boring and not even remotely inspirational.’ and how painfully exposing!

So here is my first entry, hopefully someone may be a little interested? its work in progress, and not intended to be a constant tirade of doom and gloom and hospital/treatment updates, I work with amazing hero’s and have some hilarious friends and family in my support net work, its a journey and I’d love people to get something out of any of this.



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